I’m so tired of stories, REAL stories involving REAL, LIVE human beings where Christian brothers and sisters PERSECUTE the very brothers and sisters who need LOVE the most. What is wrong with us???
We’ve lived this in our own family, the SHARP PIERCING, DEEP WOUND of persecution in the midst of unimaginable suffering within our family. When we need love and support the most, those whom we expect to provide and offer it are often the very ones who TURN AWAY and worse you SHUN and attack and isolate us. WHY???? You throw stones and you make us feel as if the world is even crueler than we’re already realizing it to be.
I don’t think most people realize the DEPTHS that adoptive families in particular go to FOR THEIR CHILDREN. When a tragedy such as suicide by a child strikes, DON’T YOU KNOW THE FAMILY MAY HAVE ALREADY WALKED OUT EVERY COURSE OF HELP IMAGINABLE.
“If only they had sought counseling … ” THEY’VE LIKELY BEEN TO TOO MANY THERAPISTS TO COUNT THEM ALL.
“If only they hadn’t left him alone … ” MAYBE THEY NEVER DID! Have you ever been in a position where you simply can’t leave your child(ten) alone or even in the care of other siblings? THIS IS LIFE FOR MANY.
“Why did they have weapons in the home?” HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ADVISED BY A PROFESSIONAL HOW TO MAKE YOUR HOME SUICIDE-PROOF? Because I have. And YOU CAN’T.
As another adoptive family faces the heartbreak of the loss of a child, not even yet a teen, it GRIEVES my heart to read the words of the father who speaks of the “sharp words” of some, undoubtedly other Christians. STOP. JUST STOP. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
If you’ve never adopted for GOD’S PRECIOUS SAKE, just STOP and KEEP QUIET and PRAY and let those of us who get it in some very real ways come alongside. And if you haven’t adopted and truly want to be supportive, then say that. Say I want to help but I don’t know how. HOW CAN I HELP YOU? If you truly mean it, they will know it.
I am weary. So very weary. Just this week, yet again, the Prez had to filter out IGNORANT TALK by a woman, who has said the very same things to me IN FRONT OF OUR SON WHO WAS ADOPTED. She goes on these UNEDUCATED (and she is in every sense of the word) tirades of why they can’t adopt a child even though they’d love to adopt one. LORD, PLEASE don’t ever allow that to happen. She doesn’t have what it takes. Truly, she doesn’t. If money is her greatest worry about international adoption, well then as those who’ve walked it out can attest she has no business considering it anyway.
She went ON AND ON AND ON about how it costs $30,000 “up-front” and why does it cost so much? Now mind you, her husband manages a local, fast-food chain restaurant, and she stays home with their high-school-aged daughter, who is in school all day 5 days a week. But anywho, she said “we’ve got to pay off the thousands we spent on Janie’s off-road vehicle for her Christmas gift (who in the world spends thousands on a Christmas gift for a child???), we’ve got a $500+ monthly payment on my brand-new blah, blah car, and we just don’t make a fortune like THOSE PEOPLE who adopt all these kids.” WHAT THE WHAT? Did I mention she was talking to my husband and she knows we’ve “adopted all those kids.”
To my fellow Tennesseans, I apologize in advance, but if there ever was a person who fits the persona many in our great nation think of as Tennessean, this lady is IT. I would share some reasons, but in an effort to keep her identify protected, I will refrain. My point is, NO ONE would do such a thing about a biological child. They just wouldn’t. And they don’t. But when it is an adopted child, all bets are off and filters apparently as well.
As for the adoptive family whose tweenage son took his own life this week, I cannot imagine their grief. And to those who would actually have the audacity to persecute them in the midst of this unimaginable pain and grief and LOSS, SHAME ON YOU. You WILL answer for your actions. NO DOUBT. For those who persecuted our adopted son, YOU WILL TOO. Jesus came to seek and to save those who are lost. His Word gives us SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS for how to walk out MINISTRY.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14-21)
Oh, no. Suicide is heartbreaking and life altering for everyone. I will be praying for his family. And, that the ignorant/uninformed words that are spoken in the presence of all adopted children, will be blocked by The Hands of The Almighty. And, I continue to pray for you and your family. Hugs ~ Jo
Oh Leslie, when I read your post I feel both completely heartbroken and filled with rage. I know the rage part should be tempered but where there is injustice and such blatant lack of decency – it makes me boiling mad! Actually beyond mad – defensive and hurt for you, the other grieving family, and all the stupidity and judgement that I have dealt with too. I agree – people just STOP! If you can’t come along side someone and just walk with them in the hard times then at least get out of way! And don’t heap more pain to the situation, it already has enough. Please accept my heartfelt prayers and may God cover you all in the shadow of his wings and lift you up in his righteous right hand.
Kari
Your child is your child, regardless of how God decided you would become a parent. I’ve always wondered if you actually love one person more than another…don’t you just love them differently? I assume you and your husband love all your children, not equally since the children are different but definitely wholeheartedly.
I’ve always regretted not even considering adoption until a few years ago. At this time, it doesn’t seem the right choice for my family but I’m so glad two of my three daughters have mentioned adopting. They’re all teenagers now and things may change but boy am I glad that God put that consideration on their heart at an early age.
Prayers to the child’s family, your family, and the uneducated woman….may you all feel God’s guidance.