When I began this new blog, I knew it would be a lot less about the topics that seemed to be the meat of my other blog. I don’t talk about adoption on here for the sake of talking about it, promoting it, advocating for children or for any other reasons that I used to talk about it.
I also don’t talk about God much on here. I know that is probably a turn-off to some and probably welcoming to others. It is not that I don’t want to or don’t feel I should. I guess I’ve just been in a season where I didn’t have much to say. And I still don’t I don’t think, because I don’t understand a lot of what is currently about our family.
I want to interject here and say if anyone reading has ever criticized a classroom teacher for advocating for modifications (including medication) for a child with behavioral issues or conditions such as ADHD or ADD or conditions on the spectrum … well all I can say is that you most likely have never been closely involved or personally related to a person who suffers with any of these differences.
It has been a long road the last couple of years especially with the dynamics of sibling relationships in our blended family and we are still on the journey. Adoption IS hard. On everyone. I am not saying this to discredit the losses the adopted child faces. Far from it because that is a big piece of the puzzle. But adoption is hard on all in a family including children who were already there.
People rarely talk about the hard stuff. People sometimes are being truthful when they say adoption has changed their children for the better or that their children, both adopted and birth, have bonded seamlessly and completely. And I suspect sometimes they are not. For our family, seamless bonds and natural relationships have not developed by and large between some of our children. And I fear they never will. That is where the hard comes in right now.
I told my Mom today I have to some realizations that are very different than where I was in my thinking even a few years ago. I know that is not totally out of normal, but I never thought a few years ago I would feel so differently about things I felt so certain and passionate about a few years ago. Now things appear much more muddied and gray and different. Our own life experiences no doubt shape us. How could they not?
I haven’t blogged in awhile and I know then I come out with this. I guess I just wanted to be transparent for this brief moment to say that challenges are part of life and we have them here in our little piece of the world too. I don’t see any merit in sharing specifics, but if you find yourself on a difficult journey please know you are not alone.
I think the most difficult aspect of this journey which continues for our family year after year is that with each passing year I lose a bit more faith in God’s redemptive nature. I think of the person who prayed “Lord, help my unbelief.” That is not a comfortable place to be. As we journey together for school and life, I know we’ll face more difficult days with hopefully some joy-filled days in-between.
I know this was a departure, but it felt like the right thing to say today. I hope it helps someone else to know that life can lead us down a road filled with potholes, blind curves and bumps when we anticipated smooth, straight roads which we could see far ahead of us.
Prayers for you. Continue to walk in faith. I admire your openness and honesty.
I don’t know you but I’ve followed your blog since before Little Miss came home. I share different stories with my children who are not adopted. They want to adopt and then maybe have biological children. The stories you share affect people more than you’ll ever know.
I can’t imagine have a more important job than being a parent. I hope you realize that many people are not reading your blog posts expecting you to be a perfect parent. We read it because you share real life with us. I’ve thought for a long time that life doesn’t change or get easier but our perspective certainly does. That’s what change and growth are, right? I’m sure others will be joining me in praying for you through this difficult time. Until then, I hope you keep choosing to share the good, the bad and the ugly with us…you never know the effect it might have.
Hugs, friend. And thank you for your transparency.
Pam
I have been following your blog since you were in Kunming bringing your beautiful daughter home. I felt a connection because we had just brought our first son home from Kunming as well. In those years we have brought home our second blessing from China and been blessed with a son born to us. We have just begun our third adoption from China. I so feel for you as you struggle through this dark night. God is always with you. I will be praying for you.
Don’t loose faith in God’s redemptive nature….remember sometimes it takes years to see how it all comes forth. My cousin just recently became a believer after reading a letter my mom had written to her brother (my cousin’s father) thirty eight years before. God totally brought redemption to a very difficult situation that my cousin lived in but my mom never guessed she would wait so many years to see that play out and play out in that manner. God has not forgotten you!!!!
So sorry for the HARD road.
I too appreciate your openness, and you are not alone, I have also been struggling with seeing the good in these very trying adoption crises that JUST KEEP HAPPENING every day.
Living thru one crisis after another causes way too much
Stress on all of us, and I too am weary.
HUGs
Chris
My heart is sad that I am walking what sounds like an very similar road right now here in PA but I am thankful for your honesty that helps me know I am not insane or an absolute failure. A reminder that life is just hard sometimes, and sometimes for long periods of time. God’s plan has purpose I do not understand right now. And the realities do seem so harsh after what the children have already gone through. And of course it was not how we envisioned it looking 5 years post adoption; oh, how expectations disappoint us, even when we try not to have any. (I don’t know if that’s the case with you but has been for us at times) We adoptive parents know this, right? We know to go in without expectations. We have watched all the Karen Purvis DVDs.
Because we know we are so loved by Christ, we can press on in love. And ask Christ to carry us during the darkest times when it seems we have just made a mess of our lives or family. He called us, He will carry us. And though I don’t know your details, I know that is true for you as a believer. I WILL pray for you. Will you pray for us?
Do not lose hope! This is a hard season but joy comes in the morning! Keep praying and trusting God and you will see beauty from ashes. Oh and modifications/meds…don’t be afraid try whatever is needed. Medication can be a tremendous blessing when it is needed and it works . Praying for you!
Sending some support your way and hoping things unfold favorably!
Thank u for your transparency! Also for the comments on ADD/ADHD! My adopted nephew suffer immensely by it due to drug use by his bio mom. My sis has tried everything “natural”, therapy, etc. But just finally concluded that modification and medication would be her answer. Prayers and hugs coming your way!!
I have followed your family ever since Miss Shannon “introduced” us online, by way of both of us having Kunming girls. I know that life is certainly not what we plan it to be, and saying “I do believe, help my unbelief” is EXACTLY where you are and where He wants you to be (isn’t it neat that He made sure to put that in the bible for us to read so many years later?). I’ve been there. And I’m still there at times. And I am a pastor’s wife! Don’t be afraid to change your opinions and pre-adoption beliefs about those things that you NOW know so much more about. There is no shame in that. There is only growth, understanding, and appreciation on the other side of this mountain for how He leads and guides us. I promise, even though it’s hard. And someday there will be a use for such lessons learned. I promise that too.
Transparency ~ though very hard some times brings others hope and helps us feel less alone in our journey. Thank you for your willingness to lay it out there. The good, the bad, the ugly, and then some! Love you, friend!!